Infinity

I am incapable of conceiving infinity, and yet I do not accept finity.

Simone de Beauvoir

 

Egyptian symbol
for 1 million or "many"

For as long as she's been talking, Clementine, five, has been asking about numbers. For years, she has asked me half a dozen times a day, every day, to tell her what time it is. I answer, knowing that she can tell time at this point and is only asking for confirmation. She let the fact that she could tell time  slip out last summer when she was taking her Kindergarten placement tests. We also discovered that she was reading well enough to answer multi-step math problems. This was only slightly surprising.

Newton's 

Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica

Clementine has always been all about math. She gets it from her daddy. Dan is an engineer and thinks in the same terms, sees the world the same way.

solid figures by ppdigital,
by permission of MorgueFile^

This way of viewing the world is foreign to me. I am not all about the math and really have to think about it sometimes. It helps to tie math to something concrete. For me, geometry works better if I'm calculating something real, a wall to be painted, for example.How much fabric to buy to make a dress.Real stuff.

finger symbols for numbers, 

from the 16th Century

Because their thinking is foreign, I find it fascinating to watch Clementine make all these connections that don't always seem obvious at first. Dan, too. I love to listen to him explain something new. I love to observe the way these two think about the world.

the Ancient Egyptian symbol for 100,000, 

a frog or tadpole

Clementine learned to skip count by 2s recently, and the next day, she taught herself to count by 3s and 4s. 5s were easy, because they repeat a pattern of 5 & 0, but she quickly taught herself 6s and 7s, too. Clementine asked about 9s, and we taught her the rule (the "ones" number goes down by one and the "tens" number goes up up by one as you count up). The next day, she knew her 8's, figuring how to take away 2 instead of the "take away 1" from the 9 rule. On Monday, she asked about 11s, and was counting them within minutes.

Six 6's by alvimann, 
by permission of MorgueFile^

Clementine asks several times a day about what will happen if you add two specific numbers. Or if you subtract them. Or what would happen if you added them to negative numbers (which she calls "minus numbers", and has understood since she was tiny). Or what would happen if one number was a minus number, and one number was a positive number.And so on. She thinks about numbers and sees patterns all day every day.

 peeling numbers by chelle,
by permission of MorgueFile^

And Clemetine constantly asks about infinity. She's fascinated by the concept, and is always asking different questions about it, trying to find a way to push the idea of an endless number into a space she can handle. We've explained that it isn't a real number, but a concept, an idea about numbers. She loves that part. She wants to be reassured that you can
"always add one more".

 train tracks by DarrenHester,

by permission of MorgueFile^

Clementine seems to worry about infinity a bit sometimes. One day, I showed her the symbol for the concept. I"See, it goes around and around. It never stops." She "got" it and loved it.

This is infinity:

lemniscate

In math and physics, the figure-8 infinity symbol on its side is called a lemniscate. Like a Mobius Strip, it never ends.

I showed her this, from my own childhood:






There are other, similar lemniscates in math: the lemniscate of Bernoulli,^ the lemniscate of Gerono^, and who can forget the lemniscate of Booth^?

Pythagoras

Recently, we went out and grabbed a bite after a busy day. We were given a number, an 8 on a red acrylic disk so that our food could be brought to our table.

 Einstein at the blackboard

Clementine, put the number in the holder, declaring that, "Our number isn't 8, it's infinity!"

Not an 8!

Infinity!

Watching her thoughts unfold is like trying to talk to someone with whom you don't share a common language. You know that they probably make sense somewhere, but not necessarily to you.

I love her so much, for so many things, including letting me see what is important and what makes sense in her world.

Namaste

deena

Petey

This has been the worst week, and I am so glad it is over and done with. I spent today writing emails and making phone calls after discovering that my daughter's school materials (which had come earlier in the week) had arrived without of couple of the key components which I will need Monday morning.

Monday morning.

As in: the office is closed until Monday. I have been kicking myself all day long.

I blame myself because I should have checked as soon as the material arrived, but I didn't because...

My husband had a pretty substantial (but hopefully very temporary) change at work, and I did my very best to be supportive. I think I was pretty successful, but I probably should have done more to stay on track in other areas. I might have made it, too, but for one thing...

The unthinkable happened, which pretty much blew the whole rest of the week for me.

My husband noticed that our kitty, Petey, was acting weird. She was actually acting super-friendly and cuddly. Petey is normally shy and retiring, afraid of everything loud and busy, especially Clementine, so it really was odd. Right after he mentioned her to me, I picked her up and snuggled with her, and immediately noticed a strange scent. Her breath smelled strangely sour - a smell I was sadly familiar with. It was galvanizing.

Petey

I lost a cat, Winnie, years ago to kidney failure, and though I didn't know it then, soon found out that the scent was a byproduct of the illness. I smelled it as soon as I picked Winnie up that morning. She was acting odd, and I asked my (now) ex-husband to take her to the vet. He did, and soon the vet called to tell me she was in kidney failure, that there was nothing to be done.

I decided to have her put down. I can't remember the details, but I couldn't go into town that day, and never saw Winnie again.

I'd had Winnie since before we had children.
Since before we lived in the country.
Since before we lived in the state, or even the state before that.
Several houses, and two children and three states away. So much crammed into so little time.

We'd been through so much and she was so loving and she died without me. She was only five. I've never forgotten it.

Our vet was in town, quite a ways from home, near my (then) husband's office, and because there was nothing the vet could do for Winnie, my (then) husband went and held her while she was put to sleep, a kindness I will never forget and can never repay. I couldn't be there, and I couldn't make her wait until I could.

So, when I picked up Petey and smelled that smell, I wanted so badly to be wrong. As the evening progressed, I was less and less able to convince myself. Petey slept on our bed, cuddled with us, and seemed so frail and weak. Petey was not old and had not been sick, and the smell... I just knew.

Dan and I petting Petey together

Dan called early the next morning, got an 8:30 appointment, and I took Petey in. Our vet saw her and gently examined her, and took blood. He told me that he was going to keep her and would call me with the results, but something in his voice told me what I didn't want to hear. I cried all the way home.

The vet called within the hour and told me the news - she was in kidney failure. Her numbers were too high to accurately measure. There was nothing he could do. He would try if I wanted him to, but it probably wouldn't be a permanent fix and... I don't know what else he said, but I told him I'd talk to Dan and call back.

Dan and I decided to have her put down. There is no way to justify making an animal suffer if there is no way for them to get better.

Dan called our vet. I laid down on the bed and cried.

We went over a bit later, and we all held her and petted her while she was eased out of her pain.

Petey's beautiful golden-green eyes

She died before the vet had finished the injection.

It was painless and quiet.

We weren't sure, right before, if Clementine should see the process. Our vet said that he thought Clementine would be okay, but that she could leave if she wanted, one of us would go with her. That's what we told her.

But Clementine asked to stay, and we are all glad she did because right before the injection, Petey raised up and nuzzled Clementine, wanting to be petted. In the moments before she died, she snuggled with Clementine, something she almost never did. Clementine has always been too active and full of energy for shy little Petey.

We all cried. I am so grateful that Clementine's last moments with Petey were good. Grateful to Petey for one last gift. Thankful and grateful to God or whomever arranges such things in the Universe for giving our small child the priceless gift of acceptance and love from our cherished pet.

Thursday, we all went together at lunchtime and picked up Petey's ashes. I've never had a pet cremated before, but I badly needed to have her back, though I'm still not sure why.

Me and Petey

Today we got a note about Petey's passing from the vet. It was moving and heartfelt. We will always cherish it.

So.

I should have looked through the material, and I have a good excuse as to why I didn't. But that doesn't really matter and now I'm kicking myself.

Having written this, though, I think I'll stop kicking myself. I think I'd rather spend my time thinking of other things, doing other things.

My cat is in a tasteful gray box on the mantle. I wish she wasn't, but I thank her for her love and companionship, and am glad to have the reminder.

My husband is home in bed, tired, after a good, productive, but slightly hectic week at work. I'm glad he's here. I hope the "slightly hectic" is ever-so temporary. I will be joining him upstairs soon. 

My sweet daughter is asleep in her bed. She asks questions about Petey several times a day. She thinks Petey is in Heaven with my Dad, and my cat Winnie, and her sister's cat, and the dog my dad had when he was a boy.

Clementine never met my Dad, his dog, Winnie, or her sister's cat. Petey gave her a connection to all those people and pets. All those souls and personalities. She knows that Petey is with them all, and is closer to them as a result.

Thank you, sweet Petey.

Thank you so much for everything.

We will all miss you and we will not ever forget you.

A Simple Woman...

Every month, I remind myself to participate in the thought provoking Simple Woman's Daybook^. It's a series of questions to answer on your blog or journal. Reading the answers other women have given written always gives me a sense of who they are and what is important to them.

But every month, I don't. I don't know why I don't, because the questions are great and I do want to. Sometimes I start, but I never finish. I'm odd like that.

So this month, I forced myself. I' m so happy that I did. It didn't hurt a bit, and I like my answers, which is unusual, and I normally don't like much of anything I write.

Here they are...

Outside my window...
a ruggedly handsome man. From here, he looks to be grilling carmelized onion-chicken burgers.

I am thinking...
about a conversation I had with a friend a few days ago about (other) friends who believe in improbable, often wacky conspiracy-theories. I once read that people who believe such things are usually brighter than normal, which may be what allows them to discern and latch onto what seem to be patterns and coincidences (but which aren't really there). Once ensnared, confirmation bias carries them over the it's-a-conspiracy goal-line.

Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said: "one can't believe impossible things."

"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

(Through the Looking Glass, Chapter 5)

So, I wonder why I haven't ever fallen for anything like this.

Maybe I'm not as smart as I think I am.

Maybe we don't always know when we have a blip on the ol' logic detector and I have fallen for something unawares. This is my least faorite possible scenario. 

Maybe I've just been very lucky (so far).

“In fact, one thing that I have noticed . . . is that all of these conspiracy theories depend on the perpetrators being endlessly clever. I think you'll find the facts also work if you assume everyone is endlessly stupid.”

Brian E. Moore

Maybe there is no good reason at all.

More things in politics happen by accident or exhaustion than happen by conspiracy.
Jeff Greenfield

::shrugs::

Also, I am thinking...
about having grilled caramelized onion-chicken burgers.

With a ruggedly handsome man.

I am thankful for...
ruggedly handsome men who love to cook, having my dog home again (he was at doggie daycare for the last week while Dan was gone), my family, my friends, my home, and being able to enumerate simple pleasures.

I am blessed.
 
We are blessed.

From the learning rooms...
I have promised myself that I will re-learn how to cable knit if it kills me. Hoping it doesn't, but I'm prepared for the worst.

From the kitchen...
grilled caramelized onion-chicken burgers with mango-Serrano salsa, fresh corn on the cob, melon, and s'mores (with GF graham crackers) for dessert.

I am wearing...
a black cotton knit shirt, a tan skirt with blue and yellow flowers, and the silver bracelet I always wear. It was a gift from Dan, and I cherish it.

I am creating...
the finishing touches on a long languishing, soon-to-be-felted knit handbag. I started it last year. It's in autumn-y colors, which made sense at the time, because it was early autumn. I hope to have it done before the middle of the month so that I can start one in summer colors. I hope to have it finished while we're still in summer, but recognize that the blues and greens will probably go well in winter, when it is most likely to actually be finished. Also, I'm working on a a handbag made from vintage bark cloth. It's handbag week here, I guess.

I am going...
to be quilting later this week. I finally have enough vintage bedsheets in the right colors to start (and finish) a quilt in oranges, yellows, pinks, and reds.

I am reading...
Living Crafts magazine, which came in the mail today, and which I so look forward to. The editors and staff are able to capture and showcase the work of so many talented individuals, and the writing perfectly captures the mood in the photos (which are always gorgeous). Also, Babbitt, by Sinclair Lewis. It's one of my favorite books, and I read it from time to time to gain clarity.

I am hoping...
to get my nose pierced this week. It used to be, then it grew over. My face looks empty without it. Go figure.

I am hearing...
that Sarah Palin is considering running for President and has asked Donald Trump to consider running, too. They could run together and call it the You're Fire/I Quit ticket.

I have very little respect for Donald Trump and very little for anyone who would publicly bolster him by lending him any sort of respectability. So, phooey.

Around the house...
I have some laundry to do, and a schedule to make before I go to bed tonight. I want to re-do the spare room downstairs to use as a craft room/study, and want it to be as complete as possible before the first of August when I hope to put new shelving on the larges expanse of wall. So, it's time to schedule all that. I love schedules. And lists. Make them all the time. Sometimes, I even follow them.

Also, I'll be making laundry detergent tomorrow. I make it from scratch. It's easy and quick to make, it works at least as well as the store bought kind, and a batch lasts about a year and a half. And it smells better.

The best part: it costs about seven dollars for the entire batch. Seven dollars for a year-and-a-half.

The cheapest detergent at the grocery store does about 32 loads for $7.99. I was using one of the ones which was perfume and dye-free, so it cost more because they left stuff out.

32 loads for $7.99 comes to about .25 per load. We wash at least 1.5 loads a day, times 365 days a year. That comes to 547.5 loads a year, 821.25 loads in a year and a half. Minimum. $205.31 dollars every 18 months.

Versus $7.00.

And the neat thing is that without artificial perfumes, I can add natural essential oils. I added Frankincense and Myrrh (the real things) the last time. I already had it to scent some soap, so the carrier oils (what the teensy scented bits float around in) are safe for the skin and non-irritating.

And it smells wonderful. I will post photos and my recipe later this week.

One of my favorite things...
sitting outside in the summer as the sun sets over Pikes Peak, grilling on the back deck, eating on the patio table outside with family and/or friends. We did that tonight for the first time this year. It was lovely.

A few plans for the rest of the week...
working on our bedroom this weekend. I'd like to sort through some stuff for donation, to make it easier to repaint this summer, which is my goal. I should probably share my goal with Dan. Hi, Honey! I want to paint our room!

Here is picture I am sharing...
actually three.

First, one of our three beautiful daughters, 

on Dan's family's farm

Second, one of Clementine petting a horse on the farm. 

She loves horses more than almost everything else, 

so you can only imagine how wonderful it was 

for her to be able to pet 

and snuggle with a real horse.

Third, this is a brick path on the farm that Dan, 

his cousin, and grandfather (who has since passed) 

built about 30 years ago. 

And those are Clementine's feet on the very same path. 

So precious. 

A (mostly) good weekend

We've had a (mostly) good weekend.

Friday, I showed Clementine a blooming lilac bush, and asked her to smell it. Lilac is one of my favorite scents and the flowers are simply beautiful. Clementine bent down and buried her nose in the petals for a moment. Then she turned to me and said, "It smells so purple!" She's right. Lilacs do smell like purple looks. Why didn't I ever notice before?

From here^

Then Friday night, I found the shower curtain of my dreams, insofar as I might dream about shower curtains. I haven't yet, but it could happen, I guess. Anyway.

I've been looking for several weeks, and it matched all of my requirements. Not too feminine, not too masculine, not too bright, fabric, no plastic. PEVA plastics are being used as a safer alternative to PVCs, but ridding our lives of plastic (as much as possible) is still one of my long-term goals, so no plastic. Here it is:

From here^

I found it Walmart, Better Homes & Garden collection, and really like it. It's well made, matches our colors (earth tones and mossy greens and blues, to match river stone and tile), isn't too feminine, isn't too masculine, and is made from a nice heavy fabric. It has neatly sewn buttonholes at the top. The color band at the top is actually a second layer, and the medium green horizontal stripes are ribbon. The picture is from the website, because when I put it up it was late, the camera was downstairs, but the bathroom wasn't Also, I ended up getting two, because we have one of those shower rods which bows out toward the room. A regular sized curtain fit, but just barely, so we use two. They split in the middle. One neat thing about them is that since we started using two, neither the liners or curtains split at the top anymore where the holes are.

So, here's the "mostly" as in We had a (mostly) good weekend: A friend who is also a neighbor moved away on Friday; she and her husband have separated. The details aren't important. What is important is that (at least for now) their family is torn apart and we are both very sad for them and hope things work out in a way that they are all happy.

from here^

Saturday morning, Dan left early to register Clementine for summer sports, pick up the tickets to her ballet recital, and to run a couple of other errands. When he got home, we all went to run an additional few errands, stopped by the thrift store, and made it home in time to sit outside in the sun, play with the neighbor's puppy, and talk to our neighbors. The trees are finally turning green and leafy, and the grass is no longer brown. Spring has finally made it to Colorado.

from here^

Today, we went to lunch with our friend Ben, who was visiting from NYC. We took him to Conway's Redtop, a local restaurant and something of a institution around here. They serve hamburgers almost as big as a dinner plate. I had hog dogs (sans bun), and Dan joined me in solidarity, since I can't eat wheat. Clementine ate part of a hamburger, then played and goofed with a little girl whose family was also having lunch. It was good to see Ben and be able to spend a little time talking to him. I wish we lived closer. 

And that was our weekend, except for this:

Speaking of the thrift store (see above), this is what Dan gave me Friday afternoon.

Bliss!

It's an Ozz Franca!^ I have a soft spot in my heart (some would say head) for horrid things of a certain vintage, and this litho of a big-eyed boy fits right in, next to my terrible bellboy monkey with creepy lenticular eyes, and the piggy bank with the creepy human face (pics available on request). 

I love it. 

Ilovehim (with or without paintings of big-eyed emo kids). 

I'm lucky to be married to someone who indulges my love of vintage kitsch even though he may not like a lot of it, and I know it. 

Thank you, sweetheart, for putting up with me and even encouraging my nuttiness sometimes.

I Am Thankful For...

I am thankful for

... being in a beautiful world with so many wonderful people

... darling, beautiful, gifted, funny, accomplished talented daughters

... a brilliant, handsome, funny talented loving husband

... amazing, loving, smart, funny family and friends 

... my sweet kitty who cuddles and sleeps with me at night 

... my big goofy dog, so protective and loyal

... my health and the good health of my beloved family

... my warm, cozy, (often messy) home

... my community and town, full of good people

... all of the natural wonders surrounding us, living in Colorado

... living in the United States, with our blessings and freedoms

... the men and women who selflessly sacrifice to maintain those freedoms

 Thanksgiving Dinner 2010 consisted of: 

Roast Turkey with garlic-peppered skin

Homemade Montina Bread Stuffing with raisins and pecans (Montina is a type of wild grass used in gluten-free cooking)

Homemade Sourdough Rolls (gluten-free)

Glazed Sweet Potatoes with toasted coconut, cardamom, and pecans

Cranberry Relish

with  

Pumpkin Custard seasoned with Indian spices for dessert

Namaste

Today was...

... terrible and wonderful.

Today, early, we ended up having to make a trip to the emergency room, but everything is fine now.

Today was the Supercat's first T-Ball practice. The name she suggested for the team was adopted. Go Ponies!

Today I have been living in Colorado for ten years. 

Today, at the end of the day, we ate dinner together as a family, then after the Supercat was in bed, Dan and I sat on the back deck in low Adirondack chairs, talking about nothing and everything.

Today is many things.

Today I am thankful and grateful to experience all of them.

Having someone to love, and to love you; to pass the time with; to discuss ideas with; to raise a family with.

Having someone who you understand and who understands you.

Having someone to care for and take care of you.

Having someone to watch the sun set with and to be with them when it rises again the next morning. 

Give thanks for today. 

Namaste.
=^..^=